Ruby in the Making

A Note I Wrote to Myself When I Turned 20

First and Foremost I would like to thank God for letting me live for 20 years and it has been a blessing!

I would definitely like to thank everyone for the Birthday wishes! I really appreciate you guys for taking the time to acknowledge my birthday :)

Since i had an hour and 35min to spare in DMV just to take another license picture, I started to realize wow i'm no long a teenager, so what does that mean? That i'm an adult: No... Should i start acting like one:No..I still live in my mother's house and don't have half as many responsibilities and worries as her, now she is an adult, a woman. I am a young lady still trying to find her way in the world. And being the worldly person that i am that will take a while for me. But i do realize that at this point in my life i need to recognize and change some things about my life and about me:

As i get older i realize that i had a VERY blessed childhood, which is resulting in a very blessed life..So why do i always end up hurt or unhappy? This is because i rarely put myself first. Why? It runs in the family, we are always doing for others but others aren't always quick to do the same for us. Unfortunately my mom and grandmother has done this their whole lives and now that they're older they can't seem to trust or have faith in a lot of close people. I don't want this to happen to me. I have a HUGE heart and i will hate to see the day I stop caring for others. In order to stop this from happening i need to start taking care of myself first. How am i going to be there for others if i can't be there for myself? Well I've been doing it for years and it hasn't seemed to affect anyone else but me. I'm constantly tired like i'm being drained daily and i have to stop using my future plans of being a psychologist as an excuse to not be there for myself.I am getting better. I do force myself to have some Me time every now and then. But whenever i try to cut some people or drama out of my life i end up feeling bad for it or end up being sensitive toward their disapproval. This is where i go wrong. People come and go like seasons and i have a hard time getting used to that. It really hurts but I have to live and let God take the people out of my life that don't need to be there. Once i do that i'll be much better im sure. I deserve to be happy, and it seems like some people only want me to be happy if they are happy and thats not the kind of people i want in my life. I have to stop living my life through other people and start living for me. I can't keep worrying about how someone will perceive me all the time cause it would be nice if i could please everybody but i can't. I'm a good friend, not a saint nor miracle worker.

I need to stop doubting the things in my life. When everything is going right my motto is: If its too good to be true then it probably is...i need to stop thinking this lol. I need to let go of my trust issues and let people in my heart i am in a good place right now and the devil is trying really hard to let negativity bring me down. Its time to start living

I need to show more appreciation and gratitude for the people and the things that make me who i am and keep me happy.

I need to verbalize my opinions more. I feel as if UVa has increased my feeling of being intelligently inferior because i attended inner city schools growing up. Maybe what i have to say is actually thought provoking...

And most importantly i just need to get my life together lol. I need to be more organized and more aggressive about my dreams instead of letting them slip away. Hopefully 20 yeas will look good on me once i make these changes :)

posted by Jadey @ 9:51 PM