Confessions of Two Angry Black Queens : The Aim Convos [Edition 1]
J.B (11:05:59 PM): goonette.
J.S (11:06:17 PM): jezebel? "J.B" (11:06:36 PM): lol our convo from yest. i said we'd continue
J.S (11:06:55 PM): LOL i figured but goonette caught me off guard lol
"J.B" (11:07:20 PM): lol plies....bust it baby, goonette
"J.B." (11:07:48 PM): imma send u the link to his new show....its RIDICULOUS! coonery at its finest, not eveeeen funny
J.S (11:09:02 PM): ok, i love connery
"J.B." (11:09:09 PM): lmao!
"J.B" (11:12:08 PM): its embarrassing as a black woman trying to make it in the world...i couldnt believe it when i saw the link on my gossip website lol
J.S. (11:14:00 PM): WHAT THE HELL!!!! this is not even funny but yet im dying
J.S (11:14:18 PM): PLEASE dont tell me this is a real show?
"J.B." (11:14:24 PM): yes
"J.B." (11:14:25 PM): it is
J.S. (11:14:26 PM): i would petition
J.S. (11:14:28 PM): it
"J.B." (11:14:29 PM): niggerdom
"J.B." (11:15:35 PM): oh me and my sisters friends and my friends DIED laughing when we first saw it
J.S (11:16:41 PM): i think i would run OUT the club if i saw that but im female what do i know lol
"J.B." (11:17:04 PM): lol basically......i would run off the street if i saw that
J.S (11:19:03 PM): Bet BETTER NOT show that
"J.B." (11:19:23 PM): vh1
"J.B." (11:19:31 PM): you know vh1 dont care WHAT they put on
J.S (11:19:55 PM): yea ALL their stuff is trashy....but Al sharpton might say something about this lol
"J.B." (11:20:20 PM): martin luther HAS something to say about THIS lol
J.S. (11:23:13 PM): and another question is....what target audience are they looking for with this show?
"JB" (11:23:52 PM): goonettes, thugs, bust it babies
J.S. (11:24:25 PM): NOOOO, they will have girls sayin "well if she can do it so can i"
"J.B." (11:25:19 PM): she should still legally be a child bc of her size
J.S. (11:57:30 PM): never never enough...then they end up like R.Kelly singin "When a woman's fed up"
"J.B." (12:02:11 AM): yeah well you can cry a river until an ocean starts to form, but my butt is going to be in that same river sippin coladas on the million dollar yacht YOU paid for LOL
J.S. (12:10:35 AM): LOL
J.S. (12:10:44 AM): why are guys sooooo late
J.S. (12:10:54 AM): my mom said its in their genetics lol
"J.B." (12:11:32 AM): lol bitchassness must be in their dna too lol
"J.B." (12:22:08 AM): .triflin....but you beggin like luther and keith
J.S. (12:29:21 AM): yea then u remember that...u aint keith or luther lol
"J.B." (12:29:36 AM): LMAO
"J.B." (12:29:48 AM): or barry or ginuwine or joe or tyrese
"J.B." (12:29:56 AM): you not even bobby brown
J.S. (12:30:14 AM): not even kanye over a synthesizor
"J.B." (12:30:20 AM): lmao
J.S. (12:31:38 AM): i loooove chrisette new album
"J.B." (12:31:54 AM): she needs to come to friday's
J.S. (12:38:58 AM): better not be no budget cuts
"J.B." (12:39:20 AM): lmao
"J.B." (12:39:27 AM): recession. times are hard
J.S. (12:47:19 AM): what if they be like aint no fridays...go home lol
"J.B." (12:47:30 AM): lmao!!!!
"J.B." (12:47:46 AM): lol naw go to paradise or cotton club
J.S. (12:51:43 AM): lol go to DC
J.S. (1:17:00 AM): basically! ...it must be a richmond thing
"J.B." (1:17:26 AM): lmao cuz you know we all ghetto and violent
J.S.(1:37:24 AM): have you seen the mylife is average website...its the opposite of fmylife. lol
J.S. (1:43:52 AM): we need to think of a website now!
"J.B." (1:44:32 AM): lifesuxrightnow.com....lsrn
"J.B." (1:47:48 AM): lmao!
J.S. (1:47:59 AM): *dies*
"J.B." (1:48:02 AM): from my fave gossip website
"J.B." (1:49:59 AM): lmao im too through!
J.S. (1:50:51 AM): lol 123
"J.B." (1:51:46 AM): whathadhappenedwas....com
"J.B." (1:53:23 AM): imean....com
J.S. (1:54:52 AM): lol i like that!
"J.B." (2:00:07 AM): lol make it the site logo
"J.B." (2:28:35 AM): strippin and being a goonette doesnt scream uva degree
J.S. (2:30:18 AM): lol it may be impressive that graduated in 4 years but not a resume booster
Clutter!
I have clutter in my life! Its sad Hill Harper had to tell me:
"We/you/I hold on to too much stuff in our psyches, our hearts, our heads, and our spirits. There is a simplicity of being that has nothing to do with all the stuff and baggage that we collect in our journey" -Hill Harper
"Free yourself of all things unnecessary and focus on simplifying your life. Clearing out your surroundings clears your mind." -Christina M. Gomes
I have clutter in my life and i know its true because I'm a serious pack rat in real life. I just don't know how to let stuff go. Things that will not benefit my future or help me get there for that matter. For some odd reason i can place sentimental value on just about anything, from old gift bags to old bottle caps. Not only is this simply ridiculous, but it is makes it harder for me to live. Harder for me to stay organized. I'm used to my clutter, but deep down inside I know its not what i want. As a matter of fact, whenever I come home my grandma makes sure that my room is clean. Of course every time I tell her she doesn't need to do this, but the truth is i really appreciate this and I NEED this. A clean room in my 804 home is letting me know that this is the time to relax, reflect and count my blessings.
Now being my psych major self obviously this pack ratness translates to my LIFE being cluttered. Its hard for me to let go of unnecessary things in my life. Why? i'm not sure, but i think it has something to do with fear. Fear that if i let go, my life will never be the same. Which is confusing to me cause I've always been an advocate for change. But i think my real problem is that I'm afraid of not having control of my life/my future. When people tell me let go and let God, I never have a response because as much as I've grown as a Christian , it is still very hard for me. I have so much baggage and clutter that its hard to move forward. Sometimes i feel like my baggage pulls at me and i can envision myself reahing out to God praying for him to pull me back. Thankfully...he pulls back. God already promised I would win the fight :)
Hill Harper is that dude!
I'm finally reading Letter to a Young Sister: DeFINE your destiny by Hill Harper and I'm excited. So far I've only read the forward by Gabrielle Union and the introduction by Harper and i already feel empowered. Gabrielle Union gave me chills by sharing her story of how she struggled with self-esteem growing up. I am also suffering from this problem, but her story makes my problems seem like nothing. I am even thinking about writing her a thank you letter. She is considered one the most beautiful woman in Hollywood and I would have never guessed she went through the issues she has gone through. I hope to one day pass on to young women how i got over the self-esteem mountain that i WILL be getting over one day. I will keep updating my thoughts on this wonderful book. So far this quote on lies by Harper has really captivated me:
"The thing about lies is tha they hold just enough truth, warped and misrepresented
though it may be, to invoke fear. That's what makes them so dangerous, so poisonous
to the spirit. When we start to believe them, we allow them to influence and eventually
impair our vision-our vision of others and, perhaps most damaging, our vision of
ourselves. Sometimes the messages we take in are subtle, yet they make us believe
our goals are not achievable, our lives are without value.Sometimes they creep in so
slowly that we are unaware of the intrusion."
I ESPECIALLY got chills when the intro read: "...it's not a coincidence that you are reading these words right now in the place where you are. That means that you, right now, are ready for a shift. A shift that will close the gap between the you that you are right now and the you that you truely want to become..." YAY HILL HARPER!
I'm tired
I'm tired:
Of being there for everyone, but only a few who can successfully be there for me
Of trying to hold myself together so that everyone else is ok
always getting hurt because big hearts break easily
Never being able to express my true feelings
Being a doormat
Being the one that knows everyone's secrets
Being mad at people that could care less about me
The one thats always crying
of complaining
letting the devil's interference overcloud me
Letting people dominate me
People belittling my emotions
Being out casted because of my maturity
Letting people still my joy
Being the one with common sense
being the role model
Solving everyone's problems
I'm Tired of it....but this is who I am the good & the bad. I can't change even if i wanted to. The devil tries to make it seem like i can't handle these attributes, but God specifically made me for them.
Fake People
THOUGHT: Is it possible that people just don't know that they are being fake?:
I was talking to my mom and she brought up a good point: Usually the people who put on an act like their life is all great and they are the sh** are the ones who's life is in shambles. They have to create a whole different world and persona so they can believe its true. Sounds like they are running from their issues to me. These people are also the ones that try to either purposely or unintentionally hurt others.
Well too bad for those people i pick up vibes very easily. I have a gift and curse that I can see through people. It may take me awhile, but i get there. I FIND OUT AND KNOW EVERYTHING. But don't worry I don't call these people out cause most of the time these people have pretty sad cases. They need help. Sometimes a good ol friend will help, but some people really do need a wake up call before life slaps them in the face. Well all I can do is pray for them. Prayer does indeed change things...you should try it sometime :)
My Spiritual Breakthrough (This made my mom cry lol)
Spring Breakthrough, which is wonderful program put on by Impact & D.u.R.A.G.(JMU), really helped me put some things into perspective:
I am a child of God and the closer i get to him, the harder the Devil works to keep us apart. He knows exactly what to do and how to put doubt in my heart. He knows my weaknesses...but so does God
Things I've learned:
-My self esteem issues are invalid because God made me in his image
-I don't feel as if im adequate enough for UVA : God wouldn't take me this far to leave me
-I always seem to worry or get hurt: The things that i worry about in my life shouldn't be getting as much attention as my love for God. He'll never disappoint.
-I freak out about my future: God already has a plan for me so I need to calm down & obey his word.
-I often feel unappreciated: God sent his son to die for my sins...enough said
I need to live my life the way God intended me to live it. I need to stop depending on others to help fulfill my life and start seeking God for that fulfillment. There are a lot of things i take for granted. I feel as if God gives me a lot of warnings and i ignore them or try to compromise my misjudgments. I make excuses, my favorite being my age. What i fail to realize is that God can take away my life at any moment. Who am i to delay my relationship with God to give in to other temptations just to "experience life". God is life and i want him to be my life from now on.
Its hard being a Christian. You have to stand out from the Christians who aren't genuine. No one is perfect, which makes it harder. But my aura and vibes are made out of God's grace and love. I believe this is why people are drawn to me. I have humility, i make mistakes too and with the help of God I am becoming better at admitting my mistakes. I know what to do,now all i have to do is do it. I'm thankful for God's patience.
I need to start taking charge of my life. If i want to achieve something i have to foster my confidence and remember that God is with me every step of the way. When one door closes God makes sure others will open... and even so when some doors open some will close. I need to surround myself with a positive environment with people who have genuine minds and hearts. I hate to let people go, but God makes it clear that not everyone will make it through the journey with me. I can't even describe in words the power of prayer and how it has changed my life.
I would like to thank everyone who has prayed for me and had my best interest at heart. I take my family and friends for granted and i pray that God gives me the good sense to hang on to the great people and opportunities present in my life. I LIVE A BLESSED LIFE :)
A Note I Wrote to Myself When I Turned 20
First and Foremost I would like to thank God for letting me live for 20 years and it has been a blessing!
I would definitely like to thank everyone for the Birthday wishes! I really appreciate you guys for taking the time to acknowledge my birthday :)
Since i had an hour and 35min to spare in DMV just to take another license picture, I started to realize wow i'm no long a teenager, so what does that mean? That i'm an adult: No... Should i start acting like one:No..I still live in my mother's house and don't have half as many responsibilities and worries as her, now she is an adult, a woman. I am a young lady still trying to find her way in the world. And being the worldly person that i am that will take a while for me. But i do realize that at this point in my life i need to recognize and change some things about my life and about me:
As i get older i realize that i had a VERY blessed childhood, which is resulting in a very blessed life..So why do i always end up hurt or unhappy? This is because i rarely put myself first. Why? It runs in the family, we are always doing for others but others aren't always quick to do the same for us. Unfortunately my mom and grandmother has done this their whole lives and now that they're older they can't seem to trust or have faith in a lot of close people. I don't want this to happen to me. I have a HUGE heart and i will hate to see the day I stop caring for others. In order to stop this from happening i need to start taking care of myself first. How am i going to be there for others if i can't be there for myself? Well I've been doing it for years and it hasn't seemed to affect anyone else but me. I'm constantly tired like i'm being drained daily and i have to stop using my future plans of being a psychologist as an excuse to not be there for myself.I am getting better. I do force myself to have some Me time every now and then. But whenever i try to cut some people or drama out of my life i end up feeling bad for it or end up being sensitive toward their disapproval. This is where i go wrong. People come and go like seasons and i have a hard time getting used to that. It really hurts but I have to live and let God take the people out of my life that don't need to be there. Once i do that i'll be much better im sure. I deserve to be happy, and it seems like some people only want me to be happy if they are happy and thats not the kind of people i want in my life. I have to stop living my life through other people and start living for me. I can't keep worrying about how someone will perceive me all the time cause it would be nice if i could please everybody but i can't. I'm a good friend, not a saint nor miracle worker.
I need to stop doubting the things in my life. When everything is going right my motto is: If its too good to be true then it probably is...i need to stop thinking this lol. I need to let go of my trust issues and let people in my heart i am in a good place right now and the devil is trying really hard to let negativity bring me down. Its time to start living
I need to show more appreciation and gratitude for the people and the things that make me who i am and keep me happy.
I need to verbalize my opinions more. I feel as if UVa has increased my feeling of being intelligently inferior because i attended inner city schools growing up. Maybe what i have to say is actually thought provoking...
And most importantly i just need to get my life together lol. I need to be more organized and more aggressive about my dreams instead of letting them slip away. Hopefully 20 yeas will look good on me once i make these changes :)
Ruby in the Making
hey this is Jade and I'm pretty new to this whole blogging game. I gave in because i realize that i do have a lot to say, but i tend to keep things to myself. I need to be more open about my feelings and I'm better at expressing myself through written/typed words. I'm a pretty moody and ecletic person so I'm pretty sur ethat my posts will be random: goofy one day and FML the next, but thats me :)
I got the name of my blog, Ruby in the Making, from the Bible verse
Proverbs 31:10-13. This verse describes the woman i strive to be as a Christian. (Its gonna take a lot of learning). But i think i'm getting closer and closer as the days go by :)
